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Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Just really need to vent lately

I don't know where to start...I'm so confused and lost right now. Let me start off with my ex. I have no idea but I can't get over him. There's still a lil part of me that hopes he'll come back, but at the same time I know it's wrong and that I should just move on and drop it. I have been wearing the necklace he gave me for so long after the break up and still have all our pictures. I watched our videos I posted on facebook and it brought back memories. I can't delete everything. I know he's not thinking the same and doesn't care. He didnt care.

Honestly, I feel so scarred. I don't think I could trust anyone ever again. I don't want to be in a relationship anymore because i'm scared. I'm not meant to be in a relationship but to help others with theirs. I'm trying so hard to be strong. I force myself to go working out at the gym everyday after classes so it gives me something to do and not think about shit. It was working for awhile up until lately.  I just hope I get the job at Sephora soon or i'll go crazy.

I guess problems lately started off with J. We started hanging out ever since I ran into him at cvs that one time. Don't get me wrong, J is a nice guy and he kept me from being bored at home on the weekends. He introduced me to quite a few of his friends and they're pretty interesting. First was C. Now C made it pretty obvious he was hitting on me. I also made it obvious and clear I wasn't interested. I told EVERYONE I wanted to stay single. Every time C asked me to go somewhere to eat or chill, i'd say no or come up with an excuse. He gave up and ended up never talking to me again since. That's annoying, to not even be friends, but whatever. I don't care.

Next is, MB. Oh boy...he has no idea wth he wants from the way he talks and tells me things. I can tell he is very immature. He has a girlfriend and he tells another girl that he loves her. The he txts me saying he felt "uneasy" with me. I felt confused and asked J about it and he tells me MB was trying to be "cute" and hit on me. He pinched my cheeks and I wasn't happy about it but I accidentally hit him in the face(up the jaw) oops? lol

And then there's MN. I just met him recently and he's a chill dude. Surprisingly, we have a lot in common and similar taste in things. He's really into cars and he recently just got my number and started texting me a lot. J says he's into me too! (oh boy...)  WTH is up with J and his friends all hittin on me? smh

J...back to J. I don't even know how to begin. He's comes off as a nice guy but when I see his face he has a hella sketchy look. Although he listens to my vents and is there for me, I feel like he's up to something. He hasn't stated he likes me or anything but I can feel it. We've talked under stars at night, and chill more often than before. It was cool at first until yesterday. I'm not sure if he likes me but I know I shouldn't get too close to him. Especially since 3 of his guy friends have hit on me and he just got out of a relationship. J's been trying to convince me to "give others a chance" I feel like he's talking about himself.

Last night I told my best friend all this and he wants to call off the bet we made. We made a bet of me not to date for 3 yrs and for each yr I would get $100 + dinner. He wants to call it off because he doesn't think i'd be able to do it and doesn't wanna feel responsible if I miss out on the "right guy". Yea...getting all this attention is flattering but guys like the chase. They always want what they can't have. I know this will all go away if I give in to any of them.  No matter how much they sweet talk. It's not gonna work on me anymore. I'm so tired of being hurt.  I can't let myself fall again. I don't know what to do with J and his friends. I know I'm going to get over my ex though. I can feel it easily slipping away...why stay so focused on someone who doesn't care?

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