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Wednesday, April 4, 2012

As crazy as this sounds, I decided to block out the world for the day. I'm not answering anyone's calls or texts. I feel like I just need to focus on myself and give myself some space for a day. I feel really bad not replying back to MN and J. They both texted me last night and I didn't respond. Then they texted me good morning and I didn't reply either. Then J texted me asking me if I was ok and I don't know how to respond to that.

I'm not sure if I'm ok or not. I'm trying to be. I just feel a strong urge to give up on my ex. I can't wait for someone who doesn't care. I deserve better and i'm going to just forget about him. Although we had our happy times, he just wasn't mature enough to respect me or love me. I took off the necklace he gave and deleted the videos and pictures. Untagged everything on facebook. I'm not going to throw away the necklace like what I did with Wes's necklace but i'm just gonna put it aside.

I want closure and to feel loved but i'm not ready to be in a relationship for awhile. 3 Years is a long time but i'm going to take it one step at a time. I'm going to go month-by-month. I can't think about the long-term because it's been hard with M around. As bad as it sounds, i'm scared I might fall for him, and maybe not even for the right reasons.

It's hard because he's a nice and fun guy and cares and worries about me. It's going to be a hard few days ignoring everyones texts. I didn't think it'd be this hard. I brought my phone with me because I need it for Sephora. Tomorrow I'm not going to bring my phone. I'm not going to talk to anyone again till Friday. It's funny because his last name is Nguyen and there's a cute guy on youtube and he calls himself Boss Nguyen (Changman). Viet guys can be so charming LOL!

M asked me to go to the carnival on Saturday and the car meet too. He was even sweet enough to say he'd win me something from the games. I want to go, but a bit skeptical. I don't know yet. I'll see how things go on Friday. I'll see how he reacts to my blackout the next few days.

J seems to be worried, which makes me feel bad about ignoring his texts, but this is sort of for the best. MB texted me yesterday and he was upset because I didn't text him "good morning". -___-'' Then he said "MN and not MB." I feel like he's so dramatic! It's annoying! I'm not choosing anyone! He's making assumptions about me, but he doesn't know shit! Plus he has a girlfriend! I'm pretty sure I make a lot of people feel "uneasy." I have a strong personality and can be a bitch at times. I'm the girl who simply just doesn't want to date and sees past all the BS.

I wonder why J doesn't want me to call him artemis anymore. I guess it's a good thing since I shouldn't call anyone any nicknames, they might mistaken me. I'm so overthinking things -__-! I couldn't even focus at the gym yesterday! wtf! That hasn't happened to me since the break up. I'm kind of glad about the break up. It's made me stronger and open up my eyes more. I was being mistreated and giving way too much into a hopeless relationship. I'm also glad i'm finally, really letting go and completely over it!

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